The Lighter Side

Bad News Bearers

Six friends were playing poker when Fred loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen friend, the other five complete their playing time [continue…]

The Lighter Side

‘Pretty’ good response!

A grandmother remarked to her granddaughter as she came in from playing in the mud. “You’re pretty dirty, sweetheart.” “I know grandma,” the granddaughter agreed, “but I’m even prettier clean!”

The Lighter Side

Wow! That’s modest!

Tom: My wife is so modest. Jerry: How modest is she? Tom: She’s so modest, she goes into a closet to change her mind.

The Lighter Side

That’s The Rub!

A married couple, both 65 years old, were celebrating their 40th anniversary with friends and family. One of the gifts given was an antique lamp. Well, lo and behold, when the lady rubbed a tarnished [continue…]

The Lighter Side

Aspiring Gentleman Caller

Setting the ground rules at college for new students, the Dean said, “The female dormitory will be out of bounds for all male students, so too the male dorm to female students. Anybody caught breaking this [continue…]

The Lighter Side

Just picture it!

A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of an enormous forest fire. Smoke at the scene on the ground was far too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically [continue…]

The Lighter Side

Pa won’t be happy…

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. A farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, “Hey William, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I’ll [continue…]

The Lighter Side

Name That Tune!

A down-and-out musician was playing his harmonica in the middle of a busy shopping mall. Striding over, a policeman asked, “May I please see your permit?” “I don’t have one,” confessed the musician. “In that [continue…]

The Lighter Side

Who’s been doing what longer?

A older man was crossing a street one day when he was struck by a car. The pedestrian sued the motorist, whose lawyer made the following statement at the end of the trial: “Your honour, my [continue…]

The Lighter Side

Walk This Way!

A man had been crossing a street when a car slammed into him. The pedestrian sued the motorist, whose lawyer made the following statement at the end of the trial. “Your honour, my client was [continue…]

The Lighter Side

What’s it called?

A man goes to the doctor for some tests and the doctor says to him, “Well, I have some bad news and some good news for you. The bad news is that you have a [continue…]

The Lighter Side

Oh, brother!!

A farmer drove over to his neighbour’s house and knocked on the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door. “Is your mom or dad home?” The farmer asked the boy. “No, they went in [continue…]

The Lighter Side

He said, she said!

A husband and wife went to see a marriage counselor. “Here’s the problem,” the husband said. “We’ve been married 10 years. For the last eight, we haven’t been able to agree on anything.” The counselor [continue…]

The Lighter Side

It’s not working out!

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered I couldn’t live on my net income. I went to work in a meat processing factory, but I couldn’t cut it. So then I got a job at [continue…]

The Lighter Side

Master of Any?

I’ve tried my hand working many different trades. First, I tried professional fishing, but discovered I couldn’t live on my net income. Then I worked in a shoe factory. I tried hard, but didn’t fit [continue…]

The Lighter Side

Home, home on…derange?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

The Lighter Side

What’s that you say?

Job Interviewer: “Where do you see yourself in five years?” Candidate: “Well, personally, I think my greatest weakness may be my listening skills.”

The Lighter Side

D’oh!

Whilst visiting the local zoo, I came upon a large enclosure that held several loaves of pumpernickel, rye, sourdough, flax, and multigrain. The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity!