Six friends were playing poker when Fred loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen friend, the other five complete their playing time [read more…]
A grandmother remarked to her granddaughter as she came in from playing in the mud. “You’re pretty dirty, sweetheart.” “I know grandma,” the granddaughter agreed, “but I’m even prettier clean!”
Tom: My wife is so modest. Jerry: How modest is she? Tom: She’s so modest, she goes into a closet to change her mind.
A married couple, both 65 years old, were celebrating their 40th anniversary with friends and family. One of the gifts given was an antique lamp. Well, lo and behold, when the lady rubbed a tarnished [read more…]
Setting the ground rules at college for new students, the Dean said, “The female dormitory will be out of bounds for all male students, so too the male dorm to female students. Anybody caught breaking this [read more…]
A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of an enormous forest fire. Smoke at the scene on the ground was far too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically [read more…]
A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. A farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, “Hey William, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I’ll [read more…]
A down-and-out musician was playing his harmonica in the middle of a busy shopping mall. Striding over, a policeman asked, “May I please see your permit?” “I don’t have one,” confessed the musician. “In that [read more…]
A older man was crossing a street one day when he was struck by a car. The pedestrian sued the motorist, whose lawyer made the following statement at the end of the trial: “Your honour, my [read more…]
A man had been crossing a street when a car slammed into him. The pedestrian sued the motorist, whose lawyer made the following statement at the end of the trial. “Your honour, my client was [read more…]
A man goes to the doctor for some tests and the doctor says to him, “Well, I have some bad news and some good news for you. The bad news is that you have a [read more…]
Dear Dad: $chool is great. I am making lot$ of friends and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can’t think of anything I need. $o if you would like, you can $end [read more…]
A farmer drove over to his neighbour’s house and knocked on the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door. “Is your mom or dad home?” The farmer asked the boy. “No, they went in [read more…]
A husband and wife went to see a marriage counselor. “Here’s the problem,” the husband said. “We’ve been married 10 years. For the last eight, we haven’t been able to agree on anything.” The counselor [read more…]
I became a professional fisherman, but discovered I couldn’t live on my net income. I went to work in a meat processing factory, but I couldn’t cut it. So then I got a job at [read more…]
I’ve tried my hand working many different trades. First, I tried professional fishing, but discovered I couldn’t live on my net income. Then I worked in a shoe factory. I tried hard, but didn’t fit [read more…]
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there [read more…]
Job Interviewer: “Where do you see yourself in five years?” Candidate: “Well, personally, I think my greatest weakness may be my listening skills.”
Whilst visiting the local zoo, I came upon a large enclosure that held several loaves of pumpernickel, rye, sourdough, flax, and multigrain. The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity!
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