The Lighter Side

A man goes to the barbershop. He says to the barber: “I want it going with my waves on top, faded on one side, patchy on the other, and just make it all out of [continue…]

A very dirty little boy came in from playing in the yard and asked his mother, “Who am I?” Ready to play the game, she said, “I don’t know! Who are you?” “Wow! cried the [continue…]

Teacher: Can anybody give an example of a ‘coincidence’? Johnny: I sure can! My mother and father got married on the same day at the same time.

A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, trying to get the drummer to play better, but his performance simply didn’t improve. [continue…]

Grandpa: Boy, how many miles do you walk to school? Boy: About a half-mile. Grandpa: When I was your age, I walked three miles to school every day. So…what are your grades like? Boy: They [continue…]

While on his usual traffic patrol route on the highway, a police officer spots an elderly lady driving down the road and knitting at the same time. After driving next to her for a bit [continue…]

Two old friends met by chance on the street. After chatting for some time, one said to the other, “I’m terribly sorry, but I seem to have forgotten your name. You’ll need to tell me.” [continue…]

A man at an airline counter tells the representative, “I’d like this bag to go to Berlin, this one to California, and this one to London.” The rep says, “I’m sorry sir. We can’t do that.” [continue…]

Did you hear there was a big explosion at a French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie!

A mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Sorry pal. You gotta leave. We don’t allow your kind in here.” The mushroom says, “Why not? I’m a fungi.”

I’m trying to find a good rope tying class … should I look for a knot-for-profit organization?

Success is relative: The more the success, The more the relatives.

One morning, Mrs. Smith was taking care of her neighbour’s little girl. She arrived in time for breakfast and was seated at the table. “Mommy always makes hot muffins for breakfast,” said the little girl. [continue…]

The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

Patient: Doc, you’ve cured me! I used to think I was a golden retriever, but you set me straight. Psychiatrist: I’m glad to hear you’re feeling better. Patient: I sure am, Doc. Just feel my [continue…]

Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.

After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will start to itch and you’ll have to pee.

By the time you’re old enough to know your way around, you’ve no longer got anywhere to go.

In class one day, the teacher pulled young Johnny over to his desk after a test, and said, “Johnny I have a feeling that you have been cheating on your tests.” Johnny acted surprised and [continue…]

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.