A friend recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I asked him more about it, he said he could stop any time.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Salesclerk: This machine will do half the work for you. Customer: Sounds wonderful! I’ll take two!
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.
Teacher: Can anybody give an example of a ‘coincidence’? Johnny: I sure can! My mother and father got married on the same day at the same time.
Did you hear there was a big explosion at a French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie!
A mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Sorry pal. You gotta leave. We don’t allow your kind in here.” The mushroom says, “Why not? I’m a fungi.”